There’s something about the Internet that makes us all feel connected. So much so, in fact, that some of us are convinced that we can simply refer to someone directly online and they’ll somehow just find what ever we’ve written.

I suppose it’s possible that if, over the course of your insurance-compensating blowie, that the woman in question would have casually mentioned that she regularly scans Craigslist for headlines that vaguely describe her actions of the previous day. I can buy that. But sometimes it gets a little to sepcific:

Check out the best of Craigslist on Nerve.com.

It’s easy to look back on things from days gone by and call them weird, but that isn’t always fair. Social norms are always changing, for example, so maybe an old woman shouting into a pair of slacks isn’t a sign of mental deficiency but rather a tradition that society has since deemed “really kind of weird.”

Food is a similar issue. Technology has improved so much over the decades that people no longer have to settle for eating gruel. What we consider strange was revolutionary at the time, but I can’t help but think that some of these are the result of someone in R&D losing a bet.

Has eating lard ever been associated with anything other than obesity? Why does eating something that ultimately amounts to fat create such happiness in these people? Where did that woman’s arms go? Only the Lard Information Council knows, and they’re too busy spreading their mistruths about happiness to reveal the answers we seek.

Ah yes, mayonnaise cake, the noble idea brought to you by Mrs. Filbert. I don’t know who she is or why she hasn’t dethroned Betty Crocker as the Highlander of foodstuffs, but I can tell you right now that any recipe for cake that doesn’t call for mayonaisse is made by heathens and people who appreciate taste a little more than Mrs. Filbert.

I don’t know how one goes about squeezing a picnic, but I’m pretty sure I heard about it that one time I wandered too close to the adult movie section at my local Blockbuster. It’s mind-boggling that squeeze cheese still exists in the modern day. I propose that we use this ad as a warning to future generations.

You can read all about awful vintage food at Guyism.