1) The Amazing Sex Bet
Gambling and Sex are two terrible vices that mankind seemingly has quite a bit of interest in. Gambling is thrilling and carries with it the chance to make a large amount of money. Sex is sex, which is pretty sweet on its own. So why not combine the two? Sergey Tuganov thought he would have a go at living the impossible dream. Sadly, his inclusion in this article means it didn’t end well, so please don’t look up to this man as a source of inspiration.
Tuganov presented two women with a simple scenario: he could have continuous sex with them for twelve hours. If he could then he would win $4,300. If he couldn’t, then he would forever be remembered as a failure who got to sextify two women for several hours. Either way, win win. The women agreed, and the sex was had.
Before I continue with the conclusion, I’d just like to ask a simple question: what sort of person can have sex continuously for twelve hours? Oh sure, people talk about it as a joke or fantasy, but have you actually thought about what sex for twelve hours straight would feel like? I’m predicting that the sexy good times come to an end right about the time unpleasant things start to chafe.
Anyway, in order to ensure his victory of these two women and whatever force created him, Tuganov decided to down an entire bottle of Viagra, one pill of which is enough to ensure an erection for four hours. I’m guessing that Tuganov was terrible with numbers. To his credit, he managed to win the bet. To his discredit, his boner pills iced him only minutes later. I can only hope they were able to close the casket.
2) The Stupid Window Gag
Garry Hoy was a lawyer based in Toronto. I want to make sure you understand that the man was a lawyer. Nothing else. He lawyered, bring in all sorts of laws and serving out justice like Jolly Ranchers. I can’t express how important this is to the story, so re-read that opening sentence a few times until you truly get the point. Okay? You got it? Awesome.
Garry Hoy is no longer among the living, but that’s not related to his ability to lawyer. You see, Hoy liked to impress people with a little trick. While entertaining business partners (like visiting lawyers or the Batman) he would claim a large pane of glass in his office was unbreakable. In order to prove this minute point he would throw his body against the glass. He performed the trick often and usually bounced off the glass. Usually. Yeah, you can pretty much tell where this is going.
While entertaining some partners in July of 1993, Hoy pulled the amazing glass stunt on the 24th floor of his building. As usual, he bounced off unharmed. Tired of the same old shtich and feeling a need to update his set list, Hoy leaped at the window a second time. Physics, having had more than enough of this man’s shit, decided to turn the tables. The window popped out of its frame and Hoy went for a long fall into the street below. Hoy’s law firm closed three years later, citing his death as one of the deciding factors.
3) The “I’m Going to Eat Poison and Be Okay” Bit
Kabuki actor Bando Mitsugoro VIII was a legend in his time, revered by Japan for his amazing performances and dedication to his craft. At one point he was even named a national treasure, which is a pretty big deal when you consider he beat out both Godzilla and Mothra for the title.
It’s safe to assume that being named the treasure of an entire nation will inflate someone’s ego. Somewhere along the line Mitsugoro confused “kabuki actor” with “unkillable bad-ass.” While dining out with some friends at a Kyoto restaurant he ordered four fugu fish livers, claiming he could survive the meal.
It’s important to note that Mitsugoro had to make said claim because the fugu fish is incredibly toxic, especially its organs. Ordering fugu livers is usual met with lengthy explainations as to why that meal is a terrible idea. But if you claim that you’re some sort of super-human than people apparently take your words at face value and watch you eat as many poison livers as you desire. It’s just polite, really.
Mitsugoro got the livers he so desired and ate all four, which must be some sort of feat. He also got to experience first-hand the wonders of paralysis soon after as the poison took hold, leaving him awake and alive for all of seven hours. His friends probably felt a bit cheated by the whole affair. Meanwhile, the chef that fed Japan’s national treasure crazy poison fish livers claimed innocence because he couldn’t refuse a request by such a prominent figure.